Reflecting on my time in Shanghai

Hi Everyone! Welcome back to Astronomer in Shanghai. I know it’s been a while since many of you heard from me, but as I promised in my last update (upon arrival to Nottingham), I wanted to take time to reflect on my experiences in Shanghai before writing my final post. Before I get started, I hope that all of you are doing well. I know that for many of you it’s been a challenging few months, for some as a result of the terrorist attack in Israel and the ongoing war. While I won’t focus on that here, I just want to say I know how challenging this situation is as well as the simultaneous rise in anti-semitism around the world. I hope that a peaceful resolution, which must include the return of all hostages, can be reached. On a more fun note, I wanted to wish all of you either a Happy Channukkah (for those who celebrated last week), a Merry Christmas, and a Happy New Year!

Before reflecting on my time in Shanghai, I want to clarify that this is not be a recap of my time in China. As I’ve shown throughout this blog, I have a lot of thoughts and even more photos. So, I’ve attempted to put together some of my overarching thoughts on my life and experiences in Shanghai . Additionally, at the end, I’ll briefly update on how my life in Nottingham with Scottie and Charlie is going!

Reflections on Shanghai

I’ve been thinking a lot about my time in Shanghai. Maybe it’s because as I meet more new people, many of them are curious about my experiences in China (both during the pandemic and thoughts on it now), but it seems to be something I talk about almost every week. Overall, despite all of the challenges (mostly as a result of COVID-19, border closures, and lockdowns), I did enjoy my time living in Shanghai. By no means was it a perfect experience (or even the one that I expected when I moved there). However, it was my experience and for me it was a life changing and life shaping event. While I greatly appreciated experiencing different cultures, I don’t really think that’s why I found it to be a transformative experience. For me, living in Shanghai forced me to grow as a person. Prior to Shanghai, I had spent the last decade living on college campuses (Brown and then Michigan). The experience of living within such a different and foreign culture (where I don’t speak the language fluently) was challenging. Almost everything in China forced me out of my comfort zone. Day-to-day interactions were either non-existent (despite my neighbors being friendly, most didn’t speak English) or stressful because I knew I couldn’t communicate well. However, overall, I think the perseverance that I showed not only living, but making the most of this experience (as I hope I’ve shown you throughout this blog), made me more resilient and independent. Despite the “inactive” political climate in China, I think somewhat ironically, living in China made me far more politically aware of what was happening in the world and how people see the US. Meeting people from many different backgrounds (most working outside of academia) made me more sensitive and empathetic towards the challenges of being a person of color in the US, as my own experiences in China allowed me to understand what it’s like to be judged, stand out, and stared at solely based on the color of my skin.

Overall, this was four years of a large amounts of personal growth. If I honestly assess myself, I know there are still many things I want and need to improve upon (being more outgoing and proactive, having more confidence in myself as a researcher, learning how to not to take on every responsibility (or to delgate), …) Regardless, I know that I’m not the same person I was when I received my Ph.D. from the University of Michigan in 2019. Before moving to Shanghai, there were a lot of things I was nervous about. Prior to living in Shanghai (outside of a summer in NYC), I hadn’t spent much time in large cities. I was moving to a megacity where I knew 2 people (both in the Astronomy department), although I had only met each once before. I didn’t speak Mandarin (I’m still doing Duolingo, but my Mandarin is far from good). So, knowing that I was able to overcome the challenges of living in a big city where I don’t speak the language and actually be comfortable there shows some of my growth. While as I’ve transitioned back to the smaller city life in Nottingham (and completely recognize just how much more comfortable I am in a city of this size and speed and have been reminded when I’ve visited London), it’s good to know that I can essentially live in a city of any size and make the most of it. Moreover, in Shanghai, I was able to adapt and figure out all the different technological systems that China uses (even with my limited mandarin). And most importantly, I was able to step outside of my university environment (something I had not done much in Michigan) to find friends and community! I think that my strengthened resilience, other than Scottie and Charlie, was the best thing that came out of my time in Shanghai.

The single thing I miss the most from my time in Shanghai is my friends and community. With Shanghai being such a transient city, I know that if I were to go back today most of my friends would no longer be there (many actually left before I did). However, I’m grateful for the many friends (mostly within the Kehilat Shanghai community) that I made over the last four years. Most importantly, are the friends who helped me overcome the challenges of not seeing my own family in person (my parents for almost 4 years). Since I know some of them are reading this, I’d be remiss not to acknowledge all the wonderful memories and people who made my time in Shanghai so special. While I can’t make an exhaustive list (or else again this post would end up being far too long), I do want to thank my friends Heather & Shimi, Kate & Ilan ( & Pina & Maguey), John & Alex, Ha and her family, Kitty and her family, Sarah, Hannah Maia, Sydney, Clem, David & Nati, Logan (and the Tacolicious team), my F45 workout friends, and many more! I have so many fond memories of Shabbat dinners (with Kehilat and Moishe House friends), High Holiday celebrations, Channukkah parties, Passover Seders, as well as fun and relaxing dinner parties, and even some fun and challenging workouts! While I probably haven’t done a good enough job keeping in touch with everyone (another thing I need to get better at), it’s nice to know that I have friends in so many different places around the world! Hopefully, I’ll get to see some, if not all of them, again soon!

I also do want to take the time to further acknowledge the Kehilat Shanghai community. I think you all know how important this community was (and remains) to me. So many of us became very close when we were all stuck in China between 2020-2022. I still regularly message with some of the members (both in and outside of Shanghai). Moreover, unexpectedly and ironically, living in Shanghai allowed me to grow as a Jewish leader, not because I learned from great leaders already in place (though I did and continue to learn a lot from my Dad), but because I realized that if I wanted to have these religious observances happen, I would have to lead them. I lead 3 High Holiday services, 4 large Passover Seders (in person and on Zoom), countless Shabbats, and many social activities. While I’m grateful to no longer have to organize all these activities, I am already enjoying being an active member of the Nottingham Liberal Synagogue community!

I of course also can’t say enough about how special it was to get to experience China with Emmet. While we both certainly faced many difficulties (most Covid-19 related), it was quite nice knowing that even though we were a 4 hour high-speed train ride away, we were in the same time-zone and could talk whenever we wanted. Even though we didn’t see each other during his first year, we were still close, which gave us solidarity in our lockdowns and made the experience over my last 8 months in China (two trips to Beijing, two visits to Shanghai, and trips to Xi’an, Huangshan, and Chengdu) so special! I have so many lasting China memories with Emmet (the Great Wall, seeing the pandas in Chengdu, the terra cotta warriors of Xi’an, the Bund and Yu Guardens in Shanghai, and the Forbidden City). While it’s strange that Emmet and I aren’t currently in the same time zone, that hasn’t prevented us from staying in pretty constant contact.

Outside of my social activities, the primary thing that occupied my time in China was my research at SJTU. Given how almost every astronomer that I know was impacted (in terms of productivity, health, and ability to go to conferences) by the pandemic, it’s a bit hard to judge just how productive I was. I did publish 3 first author papers and was co-author on 7 others (a big improvement from graduate school). So, on one level I was quite productive. However, I spent a lot of time doing research and working on DESI, a project that I’m no longer able to work on (due to membership restrictions, as Nottingham is not a member), so not everything worked exactly in my favor (as most of the external collaborations I worked with were part of DESI). That said, I did have an excellent research mentor in Prof. Ying Zu, who I was able to learn a lot from (in terms of how to approach science and coding, think about topics related to cosmology, …). However, working at SJTU was not a perfect fit work wise. Over the four years, I worked from home a ton (for about half the time I exclusively worked from home), something I’ve changed dramatically at Nottingham. That combined with the unfortunately low amount of English spoken in regular department conversations (from 2020-2022) really prevented me from having the fun, informative, and spontaneous research conversations that I enjoyed at Michigan with friends like Juliette and that I’m enjoying at Nottingham with my fellow postdocs, graduate students, and the faculty. I’m also excited that I’ll have the opportunity to serve as a mentor for graduate students (and undergraduates) in the coming semesters. Despite some of these difficulties, overall I do think that working at SJTU was a very good research experience and allowed me to grow into a more capable researcher. I look forward to continuing to grow as a researcher by working with Prof. Nina Hatch and the Euclid mission in the coming years!

While work, friends, and the Kehilat community were probably what occupied most of my time in China, I do want to touch on the travel in China a bit more. Shanghai is very much a mixture of a Chinese and a European/Western city. Most of the buildings in Shanghai were built in the early-mid 20th century, so it doesn’t look and feel like an ancient Chinese city (the way parts of Beijing do). While the pandemic and the associated travel restrictions (both legal and suggested by SJTU) prevented me from visiting many of the different places that I may have otherwise visited, I’m grateful for the opportunities that I did have. Prior to moving to China, the main things that I wanted to see were the pandas, the Great Wall, the Forbidden City, and the Terracotta warriors. Thanks to relaxed travel restrictions, in 2023 alone, I was able to check all of those items off of my China bucket list! And I also got to see the Snow and Ice Festivals in Harbin, visit Moganshan, and explore all that Shanghai had to offer! While I hope that in the future I’m able to return to visit China and see more of the natural wonders, I’m grateful for what I was able to see!

Another highlight was the food! While I certainly enjoyed Chinese food beforehand, prior to living in Shanghai, I can probably count the number of times I’d eaten authentic Chinese food on one hand. I was completely unaware of all of the varieties of Chinese cuisine and different kinds of ingredients that exist (all the mushrooms, peppers, tofu, …)! I think many of you can attest, outside of when I was locked down, I shared tons of photos of delicious vegan Chinese food! I’m a little scared to try the Chinese food in the UK (I have had delicious Indian food), mostly because I know it won’t be the same as what I enjoyed in Shanghai. There are so many dishes that I miss and I’m always envious when Emmet shares photos of his meals out with his friends and colleagues. However, I am grateful that I had the culinary opportunity (through Emmet) to learn how to make some of these unique foods! Though finding ingredients may be challenging, I look forward to cooking Chinese cuisine for some of my friends here in Nottingham, like I did for my parents when we were all in Bath! Additionally, though not Chinese food, being away from home for so long, forced me to learn how to make jam! My Mom makes the most delicious jam and I really missed it. I’m so grateful that Heather and Hannah Maia helped me find all the equipment and tricky ingredients to make jam together and that my Mom and I could grow closer over making jam together on Zoom! I’m looking forward to doing it in person with her soon!

While I’ve stayed away from politics (at least in terms of China) for most of the blog, it’s hard not to look at my time in China and think about my experiences and the direction that China appears to be heading. If you’re like me and paying attention to the global news and economy (Drum tower from the Economist helps a lot), it’s hard not to see that China is becoming more isolationist (in terms of self-reliance and it’s attitude towards the west). I don’t view China the same way politically as I did in 2019. I’ll be honest and say that I did not (and still don’t completely) understand all of the nuances of Chinese politics. However, the way China is asserting itself (in terms of it’s position regarding the invasion of Ukraine, the war in Israel, and Taiwan) is concerning. While I obviously don’t know what China will do, the China I left doesn’t seem as open (both economically or scientifically — some universities are trying, but outside of the large universities like SJTU and Tsinghua, some of the smaller ones are doing away with English) as the China I arrived to in 2019. The pandemic was a big step back and it was quite disheartening to see how with borders closed, so much science reverted back to Mandarin (regardless of foreigners in the audience or the fact that English is the standard language used in Astronomy). Lastly, while I never personally felt in danger or threatened (many of the students I met were more curious about the US, my background — though separating Judaism from Israel was not something many could fully grasp), I did see students I know post nationalist rhetoric attacking the US (like Representative Nancy Pelosi), which made me uncomfortable. While their words were troublesome, I don’t think many of them recognized what exactly they were saying, which made the whole situation more uncomfortable. One final point is that it really is so nice to be able to access all parts of the internet (things like google, Facebook, …) without using a VPN. Life does feel so much less restrictive when trying to learn about what’s going on in the world and to stay in touch with friends/family without such restrictions.

While this last note does come across as negative. I want to emphasize that almost all of my experiences were positive. From interactions with Chinese friends at F45, to my local vets office, to friendly fruit sellers who would recognize me when I came in every week, to friendly neighbors who would attempt to communicate with me even though I couldn’t speak Mandarin (or Shanghainese), most of my interactions were positive. That said, like in the rest of the world, the internet tends to let people act in their worst ways.

I think as I’ve shown here that despite my overall positive and enjoyable experience, my thoughts on China remain mixed. On one hand, I got to spend four years living in one of the largest most fascinating cities and countries in the world, but on another, I spent most of that time without being able to leave Shanghai and unable to go home. I made many friends, but now most of them are scattered across the globe and once again I’m in the process of rebuilding a friend group (now in Nottingham). I also did accomplish a lot research wise, which set me up for my new position at Nottingham! However, China’s political climate (and it’s attitude towards the US), makes it entirely unclear to me just what kind of continued collaboration I will have with colleagues based in China going forward (will visiting remain easy or will that change again). That said, maybe it’s just to difficulty to try to fully understand everything and have a fixed view on China after just 4 years. Regardless, I’m grateful for the insight my time living in Shanghai provided me. Even though it wasn’t a perfect chapter, it was my chapter: a compelling, challenging, fun, at times difficult, and important part of my life. I’m grateful that I could share so much of it with all of you!

Life in Nottingham

The last few months have been a whirlwind. Overall I’m greatly enjoying my time in Nottingham so far (you can see a bit of it below)! In brief: I really like my new research group (The NottICL — Nottingham ICL group) and have a great research supervisor in Prof. Nina Hatch; the Jewish community, the Nottingham Liberal Synagogue, has been welcoming and wonderful; Scottie and Charlie are enjoying the large windows in our new apartment; and I’m starting (though slowly) to make friends!

While I won’t be giving you a play by play of the last 3-4 months, I do want to share some of the highlights. While it did take a while (about 6 weeks), I was finally able to get a lovely 2 bedroom apartment, right by Nottingham Castle! It took a bit of time (and a visit from my parents), but the apartment is now completely set up. It’s so nice to give Scottie and Charlie a bit more space to play and run around in! After getting an apartment, I was finally able to get a bank account (English bureaucracy is different from the Chinese version, but still a lot to deal with, including requiring a permanent residence for a bank account) and get paid, which has allowed me to much more easily live my life.

In the last few months, the main highlight was a Thanksgiving visit from my parents! After not seeing them from 10/2019 – 6/2023, it was so nice to see them so soon! You can see some lovely photos from their visit to Nottingham, where we visited Chattsworth and Nottingham Castle. It was so nice to get to share some of the places I’ve enjoyed in Nottingham (the Prickly Pear vegan pub, cat cafe, and campus) with my parents! Plus, it was really nice to have them help me finish furnishing my apartment and it’s great that I have an apartment where they can actually stay and get to spend time with Scottie and Charlie (as you’ll see below)! I can’t wait to see them again in less than 2 weeks for my first trip home to the US for New Year’s! I also had a lovely visit with my Uncle Grant and Aunt Deborah who came to visit London in October! It was so fun exploring the National Portrait Gallery and National Gallery with them! If any of you are planning any trips to the UK, please let me know!

I’ve also gotten to do some fun Nottingham and UK events! There was the Goose Fair (the oldest fair in the country — basically a county fair without the animals), Beeston Light Night for Bonfire Night (Guy Fawkes Day), the Thought Bubble Comic Convention (in Harrogate — my first comic convention since 2019), and the Nottingham Winter Wonderland (which is setup from the end of Thanksgiving through New Years in the city center)!

Outside of fun travel and events, I had two work related trips. First my research group participated in an intracluster light specific meeting in Bern, Switzerland! While most of the photos show just how much I enjoyed the one day it snowed, it was an excellent meeting! I got to meet many of my colleagues who I’d only met on Zoom and also have a few more new projects mapped out (so I know what I’ll be working on for the foreseeable future)! Then this past week, I attended the Euclid UK meeting at the Royal Astronomical Society in London!

As you saw above, I love the snow, so when it did snow (once) in Nottingham, I had to go out and explore the snow and have a fun walk through town! Though I really hope there’s snow when I visit Saratoga!

Most importantly, throughout the whole process of moving (including 6 weeks in a lovely AirBnB) and then moving to our apartment, Scottie and Charlie have been wonderful! They continue to bring me so much joy and positivity in my life! They’ve had great fun exploring all of the new places to climb in our apartment. I’ve also tried to get them a few new toys and structures to play on (as you can see below), but they still love snuggling with each other, climbing on my back, or relaxing on my lap! Plus, it was so wonderful to have my parents finally meet them! While Scottie and Charlie are still a bit cautious (Scottie in particular), both have continued to warm up to people, Charlie in particular (including to pet sitters), which is great!

Before signing off, I again want to thank all of you who are reading to the end of this post and for reading each of my previous posts over the last four years. This will be the last post for the Astronomer in Shanghai blog. I’ve given it a lot of thought and I’ve decided that I won’t be continuing to archive my life through a blog going forward. Blogging was a fun way for me to stay in touch, particularly since other forms of social media were challenging to access while in China. However, as I’ve said before, it takes a lot of time, and I’d like to invest my time differently here in Nottingham. That said, I’m so grateful to all of you who have followed along with me on this journey for the past four years! It’s been so nice to stay connected to all of you, despite being so far away. I’m still contemplating whether I’ll do some kind of yearly e-mail or join many of my friends on instagram (I definitely won’t be joining X), so there will be other ways to stay connected now that social media is much easier. That said, if any of you would like to stay in touch, please e-mail me and let me know. It’d be wonderful to stay connected. Thanks again to all of you for being a part of this journey with me! Wishing you all a Happy New Year and a wonderful 2024!

In peace,
Jesse

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